Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
