i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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