the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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