apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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