I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
