Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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