I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
