He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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