He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
