Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
