Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
