i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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