"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
