He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
