you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
