you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
is that a dick in a sweater?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
