She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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