i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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