Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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