I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
