She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
babies were throwing up all over the place
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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