Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
