dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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