The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
