my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
