Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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