Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
