Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
