I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
