Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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