some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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