Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
