letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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