well I can't set my house on fire every night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
