"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Terrible idea I love it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
