I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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