i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
