i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
