No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
