I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
