all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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