did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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