there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
