Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
