didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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