Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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