I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
