Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
