Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
