I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
